I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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