I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize