the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
