I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
