dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
BRING THE BAGELS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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