When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
