I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
