just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
