She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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