You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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