He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
