I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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