so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
