Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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