So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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