We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
