I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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