the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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