So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
