He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
