I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize