You made me cry and you don't even care
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
