oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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