Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
