Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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