3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
