So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
