If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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