I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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