So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
