One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
