I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
