cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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