somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
