Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
