He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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