I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
