she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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