I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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