you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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