you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
