your parents love me but you hate me
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
