My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
