I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
