I'm so fucking centered right now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
