Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
