took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
