I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
