Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
