I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
