you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
