Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
