i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
