I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
