8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
