i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
