dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
