I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
