he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
