Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
