never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
